“AAAHHHHHHH!” Macauley Culkin’s signature scream will resound with any small business owner. It’s part panic, part terror and a little bit “where’s my Mom?” Making a living from your website means remarkable highs and lows. Euphoric moments can turn to tears as you wonder where all your visitors went or what happened to your bloody conversions. Such is the life of the online underdog. You’re up against big sites with beefy content, plenty of staff and cash to spare.
Home Alone gave us the most unlikely victor. His mantra? “This is my [website], I have to defend it.” Follow Macauley and co’s twelve-step programme for website success.
1. Have a back up
“We slept in!” Oh how the McCallisters shrieked to find a power cut had killed their alarm clocks. Oops.
Is your site backed up? Let’s talk worst-case scenarios. Stolen laptops, suicidal computers, over-eager children. If something happens to your site’s files, can you get them back today? Within the hour? Burn a back up copy right now, date it and stash it somewhere safe. Set your computer’s calendar to remind you to make a fresh copy every month from now on.
2. Leave the porch light on
Macauley’s well-lit home deterred Home Alone’s baddies. It looked warm and inviting; familial. Visitors look for “well-lit” sites that assure them, “Yes! We’re here and we’re open for business.” Blogs, news or “this week’s specials” confirm there’s life within.
3. Throw a lively party – or pretend to
Every house on the street was in pitch black: except one. Macauley was throwing a party and, from the outside, it looked like heaps of fun.
If you’re browsing for a product or service, would you pick the party house, or the property in darkness next door? There’s safety in numbers when spending money online.
Whether or not it’s currently true, give the impression that your website is hopping. Use a blog and relevant social networking to build a community that’s chatty and inclusive. If appropriate to your product or service, ensure every piece of online communication cries, “I’m having so much fun, why aren’t you here!?” People hate missing out.
4. You might never notice what’s frustrating your visitors
On each of his frequent visits, the Little Nero’s pizza boy knocked over a statue in his way. He’d curse as he slogged through the snow to pick it up. Inside, Macauley and family never noticed this major annoyance.
You’re a conscientious website owner who ran extensive and objective tests before launching your site, right? Has your site changed much since then? Have your competitors’? If so, run another test. Include teenagers and senior citizens. Whether or not they’re in your target audience, they’re two groups who can be counted on for the cold, hard truth.
5. Checking things twice
“Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.”
A simple counting exercise gone so horribly wrong. Home Alone teaches that the biggest mistakes will be the most obvious things. The things that didn’t need checking.
Read any and all new content from multiple angles: once or twice for grammar, once for punctuation, once to delete clichés (yuck!) and awkward phrases. Then read it yet again for clarity, making sure time-starved visitors can easily scan it. Finally, flag any dates or seasonal information so you’ll know to update it later. Think you’re finished? Negative. Hand it to a friend or family member for a final check.
6. Try new things
“I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices…”
When your site is your sustenance, its constant growth is vital – not simply what you do with any luxury “spare time”. You must try new things. Which of the Internet’s many crevices have you been meaning to explore? Could some basic CSS skills add new life? Have you planned a vast resource section that hasn’t yet made its online debut? It might sting at first (witness Macauley’s scream), but you’ll look so dapper.
7. Who’s tip-toeing past your door?
No, not burglars. Just casual people doing some research. They’re not potential customers yet, but they might be. Ensure that A) you entice them back and B) you build enough trust that they’ll ring the doorbell and identify themselves on their next visit. Some people prize their anonymity online: your tone throughout must be one of reaching out in friendship and genuine helpfulness, not towards their money. A helpful blog feed or e-newsletter are good baby steps.
8. Use the scary things to your advantage
“The 3rd floor? It’s scary up there.”
Through a harrowing week, our little Macauley faced down a tarantula, a talking furnace, old man Harvey…and the third floor. Tackling one at a time, each was used to great success against the baddies.
What ‘scary’ technology are you avoiding because it’s hard to learn or will be a total headache? Could your blog be prettier? Is it time for a merchant account? What about CAPTCHA or SSL certificates? Spend some time learning. You’ll soon have another weapon in your baddie-fighting arsenal.
9. You know where you’re meant to be – so get going
“I don’t care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike.”
It takes time to reach your Google targets and to enjoy self-sustaining traffic. Keep trying. Every day. Go out of your depth. Remain open to a new route. Vicious dedication will cut it where your competitors fail. You’ll get there before you know it.
10. Jump on the bed
Set goals and celebrate them. Keep a list tacked somewhere obvious. Following Macauley’s example, for so many hits in one month you get ice cream in bed. For so many newsletter subscribers you get a large cheese pizza. Make a list of where you will be, number by number, on Google’s results for your keywords each month. Big prizes await.
“You guys give up yet? Or are you thirsty for more?”
11. You can do a lot in a week – surprise yourself
“I don’t know how to pack a suit case. I’ve never done this once in my whole life.”
After a week alone, brave Macauley surprised everyone. He’d developed skills nobody thought possible. What extraordinary things could you accomplish in the next week? Consider your “I’ll do it sooner or later” site update list. Ponder your competition’s greatest edge. Go on a rampage of skill acquisition and improvement.
12. In seven days’ time, shout the following from a rooftop:
“Hey, I’m not afraid any more! I said I’m not afraid any more! Do you hear me? I’m not afraid any more!”
Just seven years old at the film’s release, Lauren has seen Home Alone upwards of a million times. Today she runs a freelance copywriting firm, Ballywick, specialising in web content for small businesses.
